This one stems from a discussion with a female colleague. We had gone for a birthday treat today - for lunch at a nice small joint close to my workplace. A lot of office goers frequent the place along with a smattering of collegians. So one could say that the "crowd" is "good".
While we were just about finished with eating, my colleague D piped in with this question: "Why do all guys, whether they are single, committed, married or for that matter even widowed, ogle at pretty girls / ladies? Rather why do they have to do that?"
My take on the matter is that yes, mostly all guys do that. Yes, even the most decent "Can-take-home-to-meet-my-parents-and-later-marry" kinds do it. It would be stupid to presume that a attractive woman passing in front of a guy's nose would not be appreciated.
But this is exactly where the branching of views starts. This is where the word "ogle" takes on a different meaning altogether for the select few guys. These are those for whom "ogle" means "lech" - where even a completely dressed woman could get the feeling of being undressed by these staring eyes. These are the guys whose eyes taken on a glazed expression and the tongue lolls out salivating when a woman is in sighting distance. Note I did not say pretty, beautiful or attractive woman, for these guys any woman might have the same effect. Such men need to be kicked in a place where it hurts the most!
But such men are few in number thankfully. The rest would look at a attractive woman with the same eye that they would look at a gleaming BMW or Ferrari whizzing by them. They would have an appreciative look that says "Wow!!! She is gorgeous!!!" And believe me, the woman would not feel threatened by them - if at all they do take notice of the glances. Females are not called the "fairer sex" without reason. They do have the power to captivate when they know how to.
To get back, most guys would look once, maybe twice and then move on. Thats it!! Harmless appreciation.
And as far as I know, the same happens with girls as well. They too do appreciate "good-looking" guys when they see one. Yet again, its harmless appreciation! Yes, I agree the girls are not as vocal or free in their expression as us guys but the intensity of the appreciation is just the same.
And being a girl or a guy (all the different kinds listed in my colleague's question) does not make a difference in such a situation. Its all the same but for the few animals who move about disguised as humans. I guess what matters most is that the appreciation should remain just that and not cross the limits of decency maybe leading to stalking, eve-teasing or any such thing.
This post was just me voicing my thoughts aloud and is completely open to a healthy discussion. Everyone is welcome to post their opinions and in fact I'd like to know what you think about this topic. No personal attacks or rants please. Thank you.
5 comments:
I agree with you completely. I look at good-looking people too - and note, not just guys... I admire well turned out ladies too. Just a matter of appreciation. And as you say, it depends on how you look at them. A look of appreciation will definitely never be unwelcome!
Dear dear...
Its allways in the mind regarding what you are thinking about the object in front of you. Wether it be male or female.
I have heard from my wife how a girl would get offended at the verbal/visible clues guys drop. But a guy would be excited to get such tips from gals!!
My take is simple. The high levels of testertone harmone make the guys behave unrudely like this. But then again, thats why the Indian system which has been thrown to gutters long back asked her to stay indoors. No - am not advocating it but you get the side effects along with modernization too.
Shruthi: You're right, of course!! In fact, S and I have sometimes pointed out good looking people to each other in malls and other such places.
Mohan: Thank you for the comment! While I agree with your wife that girls would get offended by some guy's speech or glances, it would be justifiable to say that the guys in question here would un-doubtedly be the kind of animal I have classified in my post. A glance of genuine appreciation could never be misconstrued.
It is said that the eyes are a mirror of the soul - most girls / women are able to recognise the intent of the look pretty well.
As for guys getting "excited", at least I would not like to be leered at by a girl (not saying girls do it). Yes, if someone did think I was looking good and communicated it appropriately, I would definitely be happy about it.
Also, blaming such action on a hormone may not be correct. If it was testosterone that made guys behave in such inhuman ways, I think I'd be better off without any of it. And the human body does have other hormones that over-rule this one and drive other behavioural aspects like kindness, decency and humanity.
Sachin,
The question is the same as previous post. The answer too is similar and familiar.
One thing I can conclude is that this is one issue that will not be settled for my lifetime - no regulation,rules can settle this. Agree we are not in stone age. Unless the root cause is analyzed and treated - they will be there.
Hi! I'm back! :D
Well, I had quite a backlog to read up on...
Anyways, I just wanted to add my two cents. Apart from all the staring and appreciating, one (hilarious/frustrating) thing I noticed is that even if it is just appreciation...when guys are in a group, they tend to vocalize their feelings more. (ex: Wow! that babe has a hot @$$) I just think that this is uncalled for...specially when there are girls around too! Talking about female body parts is so KIDDISH!
I dont know whether to laugh or to bang my head to the wall in frustration, coz this behavior is present in a lot of my male friends... grr!
--Pooja.
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