What Will I Be Remembered For?

Sometimes life throws you into certain situations which make you realize the futility of the rat race that we are all part of, willingly or unwillingly, and how little the achievement of our materialistic goals mean. You begin to question what really matters to you and whether everything you wanted till now is really what makes you happy.

Thinking about death or talking about it is never easy for most of us. However, we all know that it is a certainty. A recent event in my life that shook me to my very core and got me thinking along those lines also made me think if my life has been one worth being remembered either by my or those who know me. Other than the familial ties which one obviously cannot shirk off, at least IMHO, am I someone who would be remembered by others? And if so, then what would I be remembered for? And what would I want to be remembered for?

If there could be a list for this kind, then the following would more or less be it for me.

1.    First things first, would my family remember me as having been a good son, a good husband, a good father, a good brother and so on? Not just because they are family but because they mean it?

2.    Have I been a good friend? Do my friends think so? Have I let time and distance take them away from me? Have I been there for them in their happy times and even more so, in their trying and sad times? How many close friends do I have?

3.  Will my colleagues think of me as someone who made a mark at work and whose contribution to their profiles and the team and organization at large would be missed? Will I only be remembered for my work or have some of my human qualities had an effect with people at work?

4. Am I a generous person? Did my generosity remain only within me or was I able to reach out with it and make a difference by sharing not only my worldly possessions but also of my heart?

5.    Did I follow my passions and make the most of what they had to offer? I am a voracious reader and love books. Did that make me a better person?

6.    Did my education and limited knowledge of the world at large show up when it was needed the most?

7. Was I a compassionate person? But for a few people, compassion is a quality that needs to be inculcated over your entire lifetime because it needs one to empathize with other people who may not be related to you but leaves the receiver full of your love and joy.

8. Was I open-minded or judgemental in my outlook? Did I hurt people knowingly or unknowingly? Are there some people who I would want to apologise to or mend rifts with?

9.    Was I the kind of person who placed money above people and relationships? Did I burn bridges with some people in this manner?

10. Lastly, would I be remembered as a nice person, someone who could bring happiness and joy to people, someone who could be depended on come what may, someone they could look back and think about with a smile? Would I be missed?

Too many thoughts crowding my mind at present, haphazardly at best. I can only hope that with some time, these will resolve into something that helps me become a better person and someone who leaves behind memories worthy of being remembered with love.

A Life Worth Celebrating

Some people enter your lives by chance and change it completely by virtue of their presence. He was one such guy. My connection to him originated only because he was the older cousin brother to S – older and certainly one of the most protective as well. My earliest memory of him is meeting him for coffee at the Borivali MacDonald’s in early 2004; this meeting happened because he told S he wanted to meet this guy she had chosen to marry. I went there scared expecting a thorough grilling from the over protective paranoid brother just like in the many Bollywood movies I’d seen over the years. But as it turned out, I met this broad-shouldered, genial and always smiling guy who even then seemed amused at how uncomfortable I seemed. It looked like he did approve of me considering S and I did eventually marry and from then on, he instantly became one of the people I could always look up to, both as a role model and as someone who would always firmly be on my side.

A highly talented plastic surgeon, he was a rising star in his professional circle, one highly recommended by senior doctors all across Mumbai. Those of his patients who I’ve come across over the years have always given rave reviews about him and his work. While he held impeccable credentials professionally, he also had the ability to connect with everyone who crossed his path, be it a senior citizen, a nervous college student, people from different social strata etc and make them feel at ease with his natural charm. In his capacity as a medical professional he was able to do good and touch the lives of many people who will never forget him.

For his loving family, he was like the rock of Gibraltar; always present and involved in any major decision that needed taking and we all knew that if he was entrusted with something, you could be rest assured that it would be taken care of. A son any parents would be proud of, a husband any woman would give anything for, a indulgent and loving father to his two lovely children and a brother in the truest sense, not only to his sisters but brothers as well. I say brothers in the plural as I include those who were connected to him only by virtue of marital ties not that it ever mattered to him or anyone else.

Getting to know him was a revelation of sorts, mainly from the viewpoint as to how one person could be so versatile both in his knowledge and his own personal hobbies / interests. While he never openly professed his affection, it always reflected in his behaviour towards you and it was pretty easy to know if he liked you. Conversations with him, both in person or on WhatsApp were always stimulating and there hasn’t been one single conversation in which I have not been able to take away something new. While there would be periods where we would both be caught up in our respective lives, but suddenly he would message me some day about something random or vice versa and a long conversation would then ensue. We connected immediately over our mutual love for food and books and I fondly remember our exchanges about great food joints which left us both salivating for the next time we went there. Similarly, book recommendations flowed freely between the both of us and given the diverse range of genres he liked, my appetite for reading different kinds of books also increased in the bargain.

A much later love that we both shared was that of riding, him a lot more intensely than me. He got his RE TB 500 first and after some months of hard riding cross country finally managed to convince S to let me get my RE as well. My first ride out of Mumbai, though it was only to Uttan, was with him. Still remember the early morning ride we had and the beautiful point we rode to where we got to see the sunrise light up a spectacular vista of an open beach and a calm sea with no one around but us. Subsequently we went on 2-3 other rides together, slightly longer this time and each of these also had the added attraction of some yummy breakfast at a place along the way. We planned to do a proper long ride spread over multiple days in the future but that did not materialize due to various reasons but he covered most of the well known routes including Leh-Ladakh, Spiti and even the treacherous Sarchu Pass in Kashmir with his riding group.

Another endearing aspect of his character was to be able to surprise you with something out of the blue. I remember returning home from work one evening and a random stranger riding my bike into my building compound even as I got off the autorickshaw and I watched open-mouthed as I realized that the silencer of my RE had been replaced with one that gave out a much deeper thump than the original. He had taken my bike away even while I was at work and had this done as a surprise to me for my birthday! This was just once example of what he could do. He was always ready to get up to something fun and going out with family and his close friends was a way of life for him. He had the ability to find humour in any situation and this meant that laughter followed him wherever he went. His trademark slow smile and the lazy laughter always stay with me as an indelible memory.

I have still not come to terms with the fact that he is not in the physical plane anymore and that such a freak accident would take him away from us. I find myself reading and re-reading our entire WhatsApp chat history in my weak moments and wanting to send a message asking him when we could meet next and it seems almost impossible that he isn’t around to reply. Whenever I find myself in certain situations in life, I think about what he would have done in those circumstances. I know for a fact that I carry a part of him within me, now and forever, one that will make me realize is life is to be lived well and holding back is not the way to be. A couple of months before his passing, he had mentioned to me that he was going to do the Everest Base Camp trek in 2018, a first for him. Knowing him, he would be attempting the EBC version of whichever happy place he now occupies. Over the last few months, I realize that I am part of a much larger group of people to whom he was larger than life itself and that his life has been a reason for celebration. And that is exactly what he himself would want, that he is always thought of with a smile for what he means to us. Today, May 13^th, is his birthday and I take this chance to say: Cheers, Bijoy! Love you, bhai!